Gordon, Donald
Fan ye need a bittie culture
Gie yirsel a proper chance:
Activate the Auld Connection,
Hist awa tae Bonnie France.
Pit ECOSSE across yin windae
For a message till the fowk,
Lest the friendly Breton fairmers
Tak ye for a Southron gowk.
Aa the lassies font le topless!
0, la belle carrosserie!
Mind ye, though, ye'd nearly perish
Tryin yon at Brig o' Dee.
0, the lovely haute cuisine!
Sic indulgence for yin wame!
Aye, it's definitely better
Nor 'Le Cairry-oot' at hame.
Dinna spik o viticulture --
Michty, fit a cairry-on!
Yon's a cheeky little claret,
I cud go a goutte o yon.
Aa the time, ye're learnin phrases
At the skweel ye nivver heard.
Nae tae ken the leevin language
Fairly draps ye i' the merde.
O the bonnie past subjunctive!
Gies yir French a touch o class.
Dinna lose it: j'aurais voulu
Que ?a jamais ne passasse!
Mary, Mary Queene o Scottis,
Rest in peace, my bonnie queyn,
Nivver fret: the Auld Alliance
Even yet is daein fine.