Overheard

Morrice, Ken

There are said to be 375 million native speakers of English, a similar number of second-language speakers, and one billion people in the world learning to speak and write the language.

"-Ken iss, you're a muckle sumph.
Awa an bile yer heid!
Ye've aye geid me the hump
And I'll lauch fan Yer deid."

"G'wa yersel, ye feel.
Aye bottom o the class at schweel
And nae better noo I doot.
Dis yer Ma ken ye're oot?'