(Jonathan) Luke Devall

Position: Missionary (Captain)

AKA: Ian Thorpe

Well what can you say about Luke? Yes he may be suffering from male pattern baldness, he may have a severe speech impediment, and he may have swam on the Dee. Don't let first impressions of Luke fool you, you are in for a good year! Luke deals with all of the boring club stuff so that all there is left for you to do is party and paddle, just don't bring up Vin Diesels blatant homosexuality, he's still finding it difficult to come to terms with it.

Roderick Donald Sandeman

Position: Strap on (Vice Captain)

AKA: Rodriquez Donaldzibar Sand Demaan

The spawn of a can of Special Brew and a punctured johnny, Roddy was born into a life of raging alcoholism, known to favour the tesco fuel pumps rather than a more conventional brew. Now sober and smelly, he's got one big belly by living the good life provided by Canoe Club. Roddy has been progressing up the Canoe Club ranks, after a successful year of being Social Secretary. He has been entrusted with organising the biggest party of your lives, along with being the captain of Canoe Polo - It's his job to get you all up to scratch for our various tournaments over the year, don't worry, you're in his safe (albeit wandering) hands.

Brodie McGregor Spence

Position: Scat/golden shower (Treasurer)

AKA: Señor Incontinent/The midnight tinkler

A long long time ago, I can still remember when Brodie was cool. Nowadays he's confined to a life of BDSM and sordid acts I dare not type... well, maybe I will... This one time, in Austria, Brodie got so fucked up drunk that he relieved himself in his sleep. In the tent. On a sleeping member. On the face. And the bed. And the mouth. And ALL of Luke's “clean” clothes.. It's ok though, Karma bit back, and bit back hard with a nice squidgy dookie in his pantiloons. Needless to say, laughs were aplenty. Now back in the fair shire, and with a new pair of pants coupled with a distinct lack of dignity he's been entrusted with all of Canoe Club's pennies. Let's hope he doesn't wipe his ass with a £20... still, can't be as bad as Joe was.

Joseph John Kirk

Position: Male-Male Flying 69 (RAD Officer)

AKA: Batty Crease Breacher

The epitomy of arrogance. Joe has apparently not swam since 1976 (Or some bullshit) and can run grade 6's backwards in a shoebox. Despite this, he chickened out of a rapid that was promptly run by 3 girls in pink helmets. Joe also has the unique ability to do ANYTHING under peer pressure. Give him half a bottle of Glen's and a safety pin and by the end of the night he'll have more puncture holes than the average Glaswegians forearm. Scientists have calculated that over the course of the year you will see his penis an average of 273 times, whether you like it or not. Joes experience in Brodie's golden showers and talking himself up landed himself in this position of River & Development. He has famously said he would “rather drown than swim” so lets hope he pushes himself too far this year. Luckily, Joes inability in any academic work means he will be in the club for many more years.

Fergal Hainey

Position: Reverse Cow Girl (Secretary)

AKA: Howard Moon

With the spirit of jazz deep inside him, Fergal is packed full of funk. Equipped with a Ghetto blaster and a fist full of D's he'll be ready to bore you senseless with jazz hour (well, jazz hour and a half). Fergal is in charge of recording all of embarrassing moments both on and off the river, as well as the maintenance of your beautiful site. Challenge him to a dance-off if you dare, but be warned, it may result in a nerf in yo' ass.

Murray Philp

Position: Pokey-Bum-Wank (Social Secretary)

AKA: Shrek

Calum Hogg

Position: Glory Hole (Competitions Secretary)

AKA: C-Unit

Some say that on a clear night, when the moon is full, there is a slim chance of catching him in a state of sobriety. Unfortunately you are much more likely to find him a jibbering mess, munching down on a 2 pack of lightbulbs. Calum will be the one getting you to all of the competitions over the year, such as Polo, Surfing, NSR and many more. A word of the wise, I wouldn't leave him alone with your toothbrush if I were you. You don't want to know why.

Alice Oram

Position: BDSM (Equipment and Safety)

AKA: Orifice

In West London born and raised, on the thames is where he spent most of days, eddying out maxin' relaxin' all cool, popping some front loops outside of the pool. When a couple of chavs, who were up to no good, started making trouble in his neighborhood, he got in little hole and his mum got scared and said “You're moving with the canoe club up in the ‘deen”. Oram is the one responsible to for the quality and safety of all of the kit you will be using this year. I'd be scared too.

Rosie MacGill

Position: Scissoring (Fundraiser)

AKA: Token Salmon

Rosie may look like a smelly hippie. That's because she is. Rosie has been getting out on the river more and more in the past year, or should I say in the river. Racking up a healthy 20 or so swims in the past year, she got a real taste for the water. Combine this with an experience in fundraising, she was the perfect person for the position, and will be making all of your trips away cheaper through bake sales, ceilidhs, and other thingy-majigs.